Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Quadratus Lumborum

Last couple of days I've had a stiffness in my back, kind of middle and the side. I got a massage and asked her to work on that.

I've always had issues with that side of the body. I could always bend more one way than the other. She said the muscle was the Quadratus Lumborum. And that she fines that when we feel vulnerable, it's this muscle that activates to protect us. It connects the lower back to the pelvis and runs just under the kidney.

Then it all made sense.

What I've been doing for my health. What I want in my life. The blockages I've been experiencing in those areas. I get it now.

It's all connected you see. The answer we want is always in front of us. Everything is a mirror: our bodies, our homes, what we wear, the people in our lives.

I think I'm going in the right direction. It was the first time with some help I could reach that muscle. I have a ways to go. Whenever I think I had already past a turning point, there is yet another turning point. I hope I have time.

Thursday, July 08, 2010

there can only be one

I know you are not yet whole. That the person before me is a fraction and fracture of your whole self. And yet, I do understand, that we both know this is for the best. Fractured selves feel pain readily, but I want you to know I leave in love. Hate is not the only source of Pain.

Up until this point you have known me and seen me as clearly as truth. Up until now you knew me better than myself and made sure I recognized my own lies. Never ever lie to yourself you told me and always held the mirror up so I could find my own truth.

Until today.

Today I do not know who you see. Your eyes that are always distant as if seeing everything from afar. So far, I can no longer feel your presence on this earth.

I do not know the woman you speak of when you talk of me. Have we fallen so far that you must fill in the gaps? You have made me who I am today but I am not that woman. And yet, the message is clear. It is what exists in the periphery. This is truth.

Doors have closed between us. The path diverged below my feet. It is time. As you said, there can only be one. I do not deny that this is true. Yes, you are the one.

Perhaps you felt the tremors between us. Perhaps I felt them too but didn't want to.

In parting I walked away. In the end you've never lied to me. In parting you told me to turn my back, and to not follow you. We both know where that path ends. You gave one last message to my guardian, let her know she has always been loved.

In love, there is can only be one truth.

Friday, July 02, 2010


Earth creates metal that attracts water which nourishes wood that feeds fire that burns everything to earth.

Earth muddies the water that douses fire that melts metal that cuts wood that breaks up earth.

Then there are yin and yang states of each one, yet another permutation of these cycles. I don't really understand all of their yin and yang states, so I will attempt to seek possible examples of what they might be.

Yang fire will clear an overgrown forrest and open it up to new growth. Is Yin Fire like the earth's core or the sun's fusion?

Yang water will cause great flooding, yin water will carve something as spectacular as the Grand Canyon.

Is Yang Metal like armored plating and yin metal the edge of a blade?

Is Yang Earth an earthquake or a mountain? Is Yin Earth the dust that settles on riverbanks eventually creating solid land?

Yang Wood can be like the ivy that envelops and kills a tree or the grandeur large redwoods or other canopy trees that form the forrest. Is yin wood the sprouts of plants that find their way in every crevice? Who they can split sheer rock and find a place to hold onto and grow?

Lava is an awesome combination of fire, earth and metal.

There is always another layer.