what I learned about white people

I'm going to admit that white people fascinate me. It's this culture that no one wants to admit to or being a part of, but there are repetitive patterns that make me think, no, there is a white culture there. The white people I do know often say, "well, I'm not a typical white person. My family on the otherhand, they're crazy."

We were hanging out at my cousin's house and ended up having a discussion on what we've figured out from white people and their interactions with non-white people. It was actually a continuation of a conversation that we had a lunch, with F the only white person at the table, who we grilled abit about "his people". But then he looked at us and asked why we thought he'd be such an authority on white people. We told him that's exactly what we say to white people when they ask about Filipinos, Asians, etc. But I guess it's like the first time someone asked me about Filipino culture, and I had never really thought about it before, so didn't know what to say about "my peeps." And I wonder how many people started studying their own culture, because a white person asked them about it.

Anyway, there were a few things we seemed to agree upon in terms of our experiences with white people. I'm not saying that this is "white culture". I still don't know what "white culture" is, but it's like those lists that go around that say, "you know you're Filipino if..." At this point, I'm not sure if this should be more defined as an American culture or not. Part of our discussion was about understanding white people more to understand how to relate to them and how they relate to us.

So, here we go:

A. Will there be food at a party? It depends.

So far we've defined three different types of parties: chips n dip, cocktail and a dinner party. Real food only really gets served at a dinner party. So make sure to eat before the other two.

From people who have gone to dinner parties with white people, they say that they are quite torturous. They all mention "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" seen when she meets the guys parents as an example of the torture.

Filipinos will feed anyone who comes into their home at a party. Even if someone they despise is brought by a mutual friend, they'll feed them too. If we say "party" we mean mounds and mounds of food, period.

My cousin found that many of the white friend parties she goes to revolves around drinking, but I don't think that's exclusive to white people. But maybe she's wondering how people can drink without food.

B. Acquaintances vs Close friends - As far as we can tell chip n dip parties and cocktail parties are for friends that are acquaintances. If you get invited to a dinner party, then the inviter may consider you a close friend, even though you might not know much about them. I'm still not sure how they define close friends.

When there was a Filipina woman hired on the floor, after ten minutes I knew everything about her family: when she arrived, how many kids she had, where her kids were, about her siblings, when her mother died, and from where in the Philippines they were from, as well as part of her work history. And she knew all that information about me. Yet, all this information still only made us acquaintances. Close friends are the people you would make godparents to your children or people you would do things for: help move, do favors, etc.

Filipinos will take care of a stranger if their friend vouches for them. When I stayed in Camiguin, Philippines, I stayed at a resort run by a friend of a friend. My friend had asked her to take care of me when I was there. When she had to leave, she asked her friends to take care of me. I was essentially there with complete strangers, but felt completely safe because when a Filipino asks you to take care of their friend, they are asking you to place their life in your hands. Anything goes wrong with them, they will take vengeance on you.

C. Conversation - sports, news, maybe politics. Family or personal information is taboo. My cousin commented how her husband's white friends no nothing about him, but he knows everything about his friends. White people don't like talking about their families. They might not have spoken with their parents for 20 years. It's as if they think you'll judge them
based on their family or the problems in their family. No stringing out the dirty laundry.

I went to a camp once with mostly white people. After a few days of hanging out and conversing with folks, I got the feeling that alot of them thought I was a close friend, even though I kept feeling like these people have no idea who I am. And I think it's because Filipinos base friendships on deeds and not necessarily on words.

Then again in the tsismis/gossip structure, everything that happens is everyone's business.

But it's not like they don't need to talk about their family. My aunt who works as a secretary of a group of engineers is the sounding board for this one guy's marriage woes.

D. White people disassociate easily being white - When you ask a white person, "what's up with white people?" They will readily answer, "Don't ask me. I'm not a typical white person." This seems to stem from the fact that well, white isn't anything. White isn't a particular culture, isn't tied to a particular country or culture. Unless you talk to a White Supremacy member, white isn't anything so how can they be part of some culture? Plus, I think even if a white person sees themselves as a white person, they won't admit it for all the backlash reaction they would get presuming that they are some white supremacist person. Because if a white person is racist then they have to be the KKK types, but if they're not a KKK type then they're not racist.

As much as I at times would like to dissociate myself from other Filipinos, that's just impossible. People place me from somewhere else. When asked where I'm from, "down the street" is never a good enough answer.

E. But white people do admit to there being a "white trash" culture - and REALLY don't want to be associated at all with that culture. To even imply they might be "white trash" evokes a great deal of ire. I still don't know what sensitive chord this seems to resonate in them.

F. Which beings me to why some white people seek out relationships with non-white people - they get fed, they get to talk about their family, they get to be a part of an extended social structure, they get to be a part of and learn about a culture that seems to have defined boundaries.