Over the years we've explored truth. The school's name uses the Visayan word for truth, Kamatuuran. And how do you know when you find truth? Can it be possible to find pure truth, stuff that isn't tainted by the slightest bias? There are honest emotions, but do they automatically remove truth.
Friday, May 22, 2009
2009 has been for me an exploration of emotion. Ironic as my training has often been about controlling emotion and keeping it in check to be able to think clearing in times of action. But this should not be confused with ignoring emotion or believing in its non-existence. There is always a time to mourn.
I find my emotion rising in moments when it is time, in the quiet moments alone when there is not one else to face but yourself. There is a difference between the temporary and the permanent state. That momentary sadness is different from the depression of being unable to experience joy.
It is part of what the body and soul endure to come to a peace and understanding of experiences that have gone by. It is a new thing to navigate. And I cannot yet possibly imagine the depths in which this path may go.
But I awoke today with the sincerest of joy and gratefulness in my heart. And I recall when my grandmother passed, my family had spilled out to the hallway of her room in tears and a nurse comment, "someone was well loved here." That to love and appreciate we risk the greatest of temporary sadness in order to continue to experience the recurring joy and love.