Monday, August 03, 2009

the quiet life

I haven't posted here much at all though I've wanted to post reactions on the various personal and/or global experiences over the past couple of months...but then I haven't.


And while I continue my avid presence on facebook, even there, my public life has come down to chit-chat snippets.

I see all the links to community events and think briefly about going, but then don't.  Sometimes there are truly other things that get in the way, others, I get the feeling of, "that's not where I need to be."  

I've listened closely to that "need to be voice" as it's served me well.  

And I know as I add people to my facebook list of people I met in various community events and organizations, they must wonder, while I also wonder, "I haven't seen in a long time."

I told someone several months ago that I found myself in an "observation" phase.  I still find myself there.  Quietly taking care of things that I could not take care of when taking care of the community.  

Someone asked if I was going to participate in this event next year and my reply was, "I have not yet decided how I plan to participate."  I think my choice of words are important.  I don't attend things just to attend them so much anymore.  I haven't been that interested in attending Filipino events much either.  Because the question is, how am I engaging and participating and not much simply attending.  All I know is that this is not the direction.

I'm not sure if there is any direction right now and perhaps my direction that I need to delve is not horizontal but vertical.  That perhaps my direction is the depth of the plain.  

I don't think this quiet life will last forever.  I do envision a time when I will return to "saying" something either here or artistically or even socially.  But that time is not now.

2 comments:

Leny said...

this phase feels very familiar to me, michelle. i also feel i've been on a "hiatus" for two years. but the time comes when we're beckoned to where we need to be. i hope we meet "there" someday.

leny

Hem said...

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thanks!