Friday, April 25, 2003

OK here is the Kalderetang Kambing (Goat stew) recipe that we cooked and that came out fabulously delicious! Along with all the side commentary that happens when you have 4 cooks in the kitchen at one time.

1.2 k goat meat, cut into large cubes
how many pounds in a kilogram? Damn metric system
1 can Sprite
hoy, brand name ha? Not some rip off brand!
1/2 c soy sauce
100 g carrots, quartered, fried
100 g potato, quartered, fried
50 g red and green bell pepper
ok twice as many carrots and potatos than bell pepper, ya?
85 g liver spread
it looks like cat food. It smells like cat food. Can I feed the leftovers to my cats?
50 g green olives
50 g black olives
100 g cheddar cheese
cheese too? Ok
50 ml olive oil
100 g Spanish sausage
Sausage Bil-BOW, not Bilbo, this ain't no Lord of the Rings Hobbit sausage
15 g garlic
Just throw in the whole clove, never enough garlic
100 g onion
3 pc bay leaf
thas some huge bay leaf
.5 g siling labuyo
spicy? Not spicy? Ok, whatever, add to your own.
75 ml vinegar
is that a typo? That can't be point 75 ml, that's nothing. Let's go for 75ml, you need the vinegar to break down the meat
200 ml fresh tomatoes, peeled and crushed
don't you have a mortar and pestle. Yeah somewhere. Mom put it somewhere when she was cleaning up the place. 10 minutes of looking for it later... Call mom: it's in the cabinet under the microwave, ok...not there...5 minutes of hand mashing with a fork...oh wait, I have a small food processor! You have a food processor, why didn't you tell me? You didn't ask and this totally pulverizes stuff.
salt and pepper
optional: coconut milk to add thickness


Thoroughly wash goat meat in running water.

Drain and place in an open pan to let it dry.

In a saucepan, boil meat with soy sauce, Sprite, vinegar and bay leaf for two hours or until meat is soft and tender.

Watch Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. Make smart ass comments about the "love scenes," bad acting, and Skywalker's whining brooding anger. Hit pause and slo-mo to do a "Where's Waldo/Kali Gura?" in arena attack scene.

Strain meat from the soy sauce mixture. Set aside meat, as well as the soy sauce mixture for later use.

In a separate pan, saute olive oil, garlic and onion, add black and green olives then mix in the liver spread.

Add freshly crushed tomatoes.

where's the camera? take a picture!

Add cheddar cheese; stir well.

where's the camera? take a picture!
Add sausage.

Add bell pepper.

where's the camera? take a picture!
Add the soy sauce mixture.

Add the goat meat; bring to a boil.

Then add potatoes and carrots in the pan and cook for a few minutes more. (Note: Add more chilies if prefer super hot.)

Add coconut milk.

It looks like paint. Are you sure the whole can? Tha's what mom said. Ok, let's try half and if we need more, we'll add. Damn, this is going to be rich.

30 minutes later...Who's watching the goat? uh, uh...I'll do it. oops, we got some slightly crunchy pieces. that's ok, that's caramelization. We'll just say we grilled it slightly.

ooh this actually turned out really good! It better! I did an extra hour in the gym to make up for it! I've got containers to take food home. So, when are we doing this again?

80 miles north, on a hillside overlooking a valley, perched amongst the hawks, the winged ones inhale deeply, look to each other and leave the shoulders of the long lashed one and rush up the chimney to find that smell of coconut and bay leaves and long simmered goat. They rest dreamily on one another draped in memories filled with the heat of siling labuyo. The long lashed one stops her pitter patter on plastic keys, inhales deeply, arms crossed, eyes closed she recalls a summer as a child full of ripe mangos painted to her lips, the morning sounds of clanging simmering pots, and chopping boards racing to finish up for the noontime celebration.

She opens her eyes. Clicks her mouse to a new email and types, "so where was I, when you were cooking all this?" Click send.

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