daddy loves his baby

A friend posts about the constant struggle of getting her dad to get rid of his broke down 20 year old pick up truck. He would rather sell her 14 year old SUV to pay for the mechanic expenses for the 20 year truck that's broken down twice in the last year. He wants to keep the truck just in case she ever moves again (as if they don't have an SUV or can't rent a Uhaul). Hmmmm....

I have a feeling this isn't about the truck at all, at least not totally. My friend's dad is retired. He's looking for stuff to do. This is often the dilemna of older men, finding something to do in their retirement. They built their lives on taking care of their families, providing for their children. Now that their children are grown, and the family is for the most part cruising, he needs something else to take care of, enter the car. The car that he knows inside and out. That still has more mechanics to it than electronics. He can still tweak this thing. It had been a good truck, helping his kid move in and out of various abodes. It's still good. It's still useful, he argues.

My friend's friend had a similar issue. My friend recommended to her friend, that since her dad was a retired family man, well, what he wants to hear most is that his little girl (now fully grown woman taking care of herself quite well) still needs him in some way. Maybe she said, why don't you ask your dad his opinion on something. So that he feels he hasn't outgrown his usefulness. It doesn't really matter if she actually follows his advise. What's important is that she ask.

In the same way, Chatty's father still passes a dollar bill to her even though they both know she doesn't really need the money. But it's not about money and trucks. It's about knowing that he's still dad, and she's still his little girl, who still calls him up asking for advise and guiding her way. And when their daughters live all the way over there with their partners and careers and lives, it's not as evident how he fits into the picture anymore, so he hangs onto the things that he thinks will still make him useful, like a truck. If he gets rid of the truck, goes his logic, then she won't ask me for help anymore, so he has to keep the truck. He doesn't want to hear this thing about "his daughter doesn't need him to help her move," because the only thing that gets filtered into his head is "his daughter doesn't need him."

Dad just wants to know if he can still be his daughter's hero.

As if he ever stopped.