from the heart

Rona, Leny, and Barbara wrote of Helen's memorial. Like Leny, the tears are still too close to the surface. During the Remembrances section, people talked of Helen as the academic, as the activist, sang a few songs. I wasn't sure if I was going to go up to say anything. But then I felt her pushing me up there, "oh go ahead, Michelle!" she would have said.

And so, I stood at the podium next to the altar where we had welcomed the directions, and placed various items that symbolized Helen. I didn't have anything written down, just started talking about why she loved science fiction. kept squeezing my fingers to keep from losing it.

Below is roughly what I said with some add-ons. I wrote it down afterwards to place in her memory book.


I first met Helen 11 years ago at my high school graduation. I was in the same class as her niece Geraldine. She remembered me when I attended the FAHNS conference in SF a couple of years later. It was my first time to a community event, I didn't know anyone. I was going to go home before the the banquet.

When she saw me peering in, she asked me if I was staying. I said no I didn't know anyone here. She said, " you know me. there's room at our table." And she sat me down and started introducing me to everyone.

And that's how she always got you. She'd ask you to sit. stay. Next thing you know you've stayed longer than you thought you would and you were drafted into a million different projects. It was her well used recruitment method. That's how many of us stayed for years I guess. There was always more room at her table.

Alot of people talked about the work Helen did changing the world. I think that's why she liked science fiction so much. She had a Lord of the Rings poster and Harry Potter poster in her room. Just about every sci-fi/fantasy series imagineable: read all the books, watched all the movies. Dune, Star Trek, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter. It was a glimpse of a world we could come to create. that any world was possible. Helen believed in this future. She believed in the hope that science fiction gave us.

Star Trek was her favorite. No one was allowed to disturb her during Star Trek hour. No phone calls, no disruptions. To touch the remote was to get your hand cut off. We would discuss Star Trek and the sociopolitical difference between the Romulans, Klingons, and Humans and how the new accord would change that. And maybe too if whether or not that new ensign was a hottie.

she also could go with that suspension of disbelief when the time continuum didn't quite work out as planned. It was ok that the world didn't make sense.

She brought this hope into the work she did, this belief that a great new world was possible.

When she didn't leave the house much anymore, we'd stop by and she'd be watching TV. She LOVED the cartoon Lilo & Stitch. I remember her sitting at the table eating her morning cereal and watching the show. She really liked Lilo. I imagined that Helen was like that when she was a kid. I think she could relate to the story of a small rambunctious Hawaiian girl who befriends an alien and gets into lots of trouble.

Oh how Helen loved trouble. She liked making trouble, causing trouble, getting other people to make trouble. To know Helen was to get into lots and lots of trouble. She liked to push people. Ask questions. Wonder why, and make people give her an answer.

When people would visit, they had a rule "positivity only" and that to enter you had to leave your negative vibes at the door. And that often forced people to change their view of life. But that's what Helen got you to do, she got you to let go of your doubts and fears and enter that door and stay awhile. You could come up to her with just about any crazy scheme and she would tell you to go for it, try it. Some book idea, some conference and she would say yes go for it. And if she really liked the idea, she would give the emphatic triple, "yes yes YES!" She would always believe in you, suspend disbelief, lay negativity at the doorstep. She got you to believe in hope too.

I think she liked Harry Potter because of the magic. She believed each of us had the power to change the world and fight evil.

She liked science fiction because it was like the world she had always known. A place where people could have hope and have a bit of magic to help them out.

But that was Helen. Sit. Stay. Go. Do. Believe. Hope.

I'll remember Helen when the next time Star Trek is on, or when we watch the Return of the King Extended version, or the next Harry Potter movie. And I'm sure she'll be watching and laughing alongside us.