on the approach to 30

We're celebrating the start of D's final 20-something years today.

I can't help but reflect on my own last 20-something year as I am now on the 30 day countdown to the said three-oh. I started the year with the astrological comment that this year would be a year of great risk and great reward, yet would be a good year for me to pull back and plan. I took this to heart.

In looking back at this year, that's what I've done. Stepped back to plan, to watch, to read, to absorb, to listen. There is wealth in silence sometimes. I've "produced" very little this year, which is fine. The creative soils do need time to replenish and rest. There is always a time to prune back the branches.

I've been reading through a stack of "how to get organized" books. Though I can organize an event or a rally or a news conference, I've not been too good at keeping my own self organized. And I realized that if I wanted to get to the bigger and greater things that I want to get to, being personally organized would help me get there.

I've spent much of this year in the supporting role helping others manifest their goals, rather than being out there myself. It's a different perspective.

In the last few weeks there are several questions about the direction of my life that have been answered. Questions about how I wanted to live out my "activism" in the "community," what roles, new and old, I want to take on in my life. (The Universe always answers the question, it's only recently that I've come to notice its answer.) While I spent most of my 20s exploring a wide variety of different things, I see my 30s focusing on just a handful while additionally exploring them in new ways. There are many things becoming quite "clear" in my mind and more importantly in my heart of what I must do and who I want to become and the kind of life I want to lead.

And as frustrated I've been this year over waiting and waiting and waiting, it is what makes this past year so important.

I know this all sounds rather vague and even I'm not sure where all of this will take me. But I cannot deny the feeling in my heart, this feeling that I've learned to follow, despite the fear of the unknown. Life is a series of leaps of faith really.

And next year there will be many leaps of faith to make, both small and big, both planned and not. I will start off 30 in Las Vegas where the family is spending Christmas. Though I would have really wanted to sky dive out of a plane, I've decided to do the next best thing, sky dive indoors, which involves a really big fan. It seems like a good metaphor for the year, to launch myself into the wind, and let myself soar.