the weekend

The weekend seems longer than the three days that it was, which is good, since most weekends seem way to short.

Probably because we've been singing karaoke til 3am each day and I have a pair of cousins staying with me since Friday. We rescued them from the fog of San Francisco which doesn't vibe with their sun soaked Southern California skins. Having been cooped up that day, they suddenly got into this cleaning mode and ran through my kitchen and living room rearranging and reorganizing everything and they couldn't stop til everything was done, even cleaning the garbage can.

I felt a bit bad that they were cleaning my stuff, but put my ego aside since I could use the help. I don't know how many times someone has told me if you get something you should put it back to where you found it. And yet it's something hard for me to do. Something was blocking me. Though in school, the teachers would right about how I was a good cleaning helper. So then why the difference. I came to realize that in school, it was very clear where things belonged and that I belonged. At home, growing up, being the middle, and having a constant stream of visitors and guests, that I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere. I belonged outside. And though I've lived by myself for several years now and even own this condo, I've still carried that with me, this idea that I don't truly belong anywhere, which explains alot in regards to my friendships and my feelings in community groups.

So, with my cousin's help in rearranging everything, I'm hoping to finally let that idea go and find a place for me to belong. To have a sense of belonging.

Saturday was the super-combo party: 40th day death anniversary prayer for my cousin, a baby shower for the recent newlyweds, and a despedida for another one going to nursing school in the Philippines. The newlyweds didn't realize that there was a baby shower for them an hour after they had been there, not noticing the "baby shower" decorations on the wall. Eh, in this large of a family, we're coming to an age when you never know who else might be pregnant.

It was one of the first family prayers without my mom who went to Las Vegas for the weekend. So we had to go it alone. My sister brought the prayer books and one of my other cousin's lead the prayer. It was quite a triumph with the cousins leading the prayer, the feeling of it being passed down to the next generation.

Watched the video from the funeral in the Philippines. Then played the baby shower games including a guess the baby in the picture game, which was HARD! We all look alike. Then sang karaoke til the late hours.

Sunday we took a bunch of the cousins hiking up in the Oakland hills. Got a lost and a half mile hike became 3.5 miles. Afterwards we went to ice cream at Fenton's because well, we needed to give them quite a bit of incentive. By the end, a few had figured out how to run up and down the trails.

Took a short nap at my place, then went back to Union City, read taroh cards, sang karaoke, met up with other cousins, ate some more. We decided to try to read the taroh cards for our deceased cousin. Each of us took our turn asking about him. Just about all of them said the same thing, the same cards popping up, that he had a choice to make, and was scared of the unknown and that he's still here because of his niece and nephew and his girlfriend, but that in the end, he'd be moving into his new life. Several of the younger cousins have had recent dreams of him. One asked him, "You can go back and forth like this?" He said, "Yeah, but I'm supposed to be there."

Yesterday we chilled without the family, did groceries, cooked dinner. The So-Cal girls are flying out this evening. The place will be quiet again until the next time. And I, I have found a place to belong.