Wednesday, June 29, 2005

100 day countdown to the count-up or 30 minutes on 880

I was driving home from Kali seminar. I've always liked driving to class. It's always been a time where I can be alone and do one thing, drive. It's always been a time where I could reflect on my day previous or my day to come. And I remembered that my countdown calendar on my computer would tell me on Thursday that there was 100 days till my wedding day. 100 days left of my single life.

Right now we're running around buying stamps, trying to locate addresses, cutting ribbon, etc, to get these invitations out in the next week or so. While we've done lots of other things for the wedding prep (getting my dress made, shopping for the maid of honor dress), mailing out the invitations feels like the biggest step thus far. Because now, well, now it's an official declaration with an actual day and time printed on pieces of fine linen paper. Each step making it more and more solid.

And I thought about the 100 days left of my single life, grant it we've been together for the last 8 years, so it's not like I had a very long single life per se, but still, I didn't have a ring on my finger either. I thought about all the adventures and trips and experiences and ways of life. And i got really sentimental, because though I hate to admit it, I'm ridiculously sentimental. Must be a family trait.

And I got kind of sad, not sad depressing sad, but sad despedida sad. Because airports always make me cry especially the International Terminal. To wait behind the window and watch someone go through the final security check, happy for where they are going, sad that they are gone, missing them a bit already, knowing that when you see them again they will be a different person, and hoping we both come out of it for the better.

For all the running around in my life as of late, the drive home gave me a chance to assess all of the different emotions building and tumbling inside me, because there's an outer change and an inner change. And I imagined my single self standing just outside airport security hanging out til the very last second to be here, waiting with all her carry-on luggage, mingling, thumbing through magazines. And I started to sniffle and tear up a bit (not too much cuz I was driving), happy about where she had been and where she was going, sad to see her go, looking forward to seeing her on her return, changed, different, to come home as someone else. I miss her already.

And I wonder if we had chosen an engagement that wasn't quite as long as a year, the way most people I know do it, plan a wedding 4-6 months in advance rather than a drawn out 12 months, whether I would even notice these things in all the whirlwind. But I guess it's best to get it all out now, because the make-up artist will kill me if I smudge everything up. (And bet on it he's planning on standing by to powder over any smudges.)

As much as I'm sad to see my "single" self go, I'm looking forward to the life after, the count-up as it were. I'm looking forward to and excited about the new adventures, experiences to come. Alot of changes, alot of good changes. And this too makes me weepy.

Did I mention that I was ridiculously sentimental?

[Oh and, D, did we put boxes of tissues on the shopping list?]

6 comments:

Mieko Danielle said...

Beautifully poetic, makes me reflect on my own engagement, 4-6 month wedding planning and how I should really enjoy my last days of single womanhood...Thank you.

D said...

Happy 100 Days!

And yes, I'm trying to figure out exactly where I can store (hide?) some Kleenex PocketPacks on my dress!

Gura said...

purses!

D said...

Purse shopping-- to match the dress?!

Gura said...

I've seen purses that they can dye to match the dress color!

basagulo said...

Nursing schools celebrate 100 days before graduation. It was a tradition to pull on the fire alarm and get the firemen to visit the dorm. The tradition is no longer due to a stiff fine that will be charged on the class account. Happy 100 days.

Ed