I'm not a wedding girl

Titagurl is not a wedding girl. And really neither was I, yet here I am 43 days to go and about 2 hours before my bridal shower.

There's a social stimulus to be married and to have kids. I've seen my cousins who have their group of friends and everyone gets married at once and everybody has kids at the same time. I've never been one of those people either. I alway figured I'd get married when I get married and have kids when I have kids. Then again I don't have a large group of people that we all constantly socialize with. Or perhaps it's simply our age group. That late 20s early 30s is just that "marrying" range.

I often remember, particularly in all this madness, what my friend said when people asked him why he was getting married. He said, "as a public expression of the private committment they have already made to each other." The actual marriage ceremony is really that, a public display and ritual of a committment that we have already made. When a friend of ours went to the gun range with us the other day, she commented how together we were, how much in the way we acted with each other were already bonded.

I must say there is a more permanent feel when something you've held so privately for such a long time is now public. Another friend of ours was technically married for 3 years before they had the public ceremony. And while her father knew, his mother didn't. And he so wants to tell them, we've been married for 3 years! But I could see too as he fiddled with the ring on his finger, yes, they were legally married, but in other ways after the ring they were really married married.

Private committments are easy to break, in a way. Not to say one should, but there isn't much of an accountability outside of yourself. In a wedding, you profess it outloud, tape recorded, over a microphone for everyone to hear you say, what everyone has already known for quite some time. But now it becomes an act, a ritual, with witnesses, lots of witnesses. And then there's this ring that reminds you of what you said and committed to publicly for so long as you wear it.

Weddings are about you, but then they're not about you. They're about your families and friends and your relationship with your higher power. They're about everything and everyone around you who will be a part of keeping you together.

I'm not a wedding girl, nor am I a marrying girl. If I was into weddings and into getting married then that's all I'd do, no, I really hope that I'm the kind of girl that likes being married. Because I really only want to do this once.