Sunday, October 07, 2007

two years

Tomorrow is our 2nd wedding anniversary, which according to this website is the Cotton Anniversary because it symbolizes how a couple is now more comfy with each other. Um, ok.

A friend asked me if it feels different. Since there are other couples who are newlyweds and LTC (long term couples) and hell even JBC (just became a couple) couples around us, it's only then that I notice yeah, there are some things that have changed. Certainly what we argue about has changed, plus that emotional load of "are you going to leave me?" has lessened quite a bit in those arguments. I guess by the 2nd year, you slowly come to terms with the fact that no one is going anywhere.

Even though I never changed my name and we've kept some individual endeavors, whenever we each say "I" there is a more implied, "we" embedded there. It takes a while to figure out how the teamwork works. And this was a different level of teamwork in comparison to when we were just bf/gf. All that we contribute to ourselves is ours, not mine, not his, ours. It's not only about wanting to make your life better, but can we make the other person's life better.

I've seen married people, and there is just a difference between people who are "married", people on the way out of "marriage", and long term couples. It's strange, I can feel the difference in them. It's like I can feel their connection to their significant other. Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston were married on paper, but they didn't feel married. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie don't have a piece of paper, but they feel married. I'm not sure how to describe this feeling, but it's certainly there.

Alot of our clothing has changed in the last two years, but that may be more about me hitting the stride of my 30s. We went to a recommitment ceremony of a mid-20s couple. They just did the courthouse the first time around since her parents couldn't come from Indonesia. The reception was mostly their friends also in their mid-20s, with the same long hair.

Even though we had been together for 7 years before "getting married", I'd have to say that being married is way different from "practically married". And it's not so much the paper, as it was the very public declaration of those vows. As another friend put it, "ya'll can't get divorced, because if you did, there'd be 300 people at your door wanting an explanation." I guess that's a plus for having a big wedding. And some of those guests did carry swords so I'd hate to see them on my doorstep.

On the eve of our wedding anniversary we spent it mostly at home putting together shelving for our storage locker and going through more boxes. And I'd have to say if there was a metaphor for our 2nd anniversary it would be the storage locker. As if we're gaining a greater sense of what we need to hang on to, and having a greater capacity to bring more into our lives. And it's not like organizing the living room, the place that everyone can see, it's about understanding in a deeper way our capacities to be in each other's lives.

After writing this post, I'll have to agree with the Cotton Anniversary. We are not just getting more comfortable with each other, but more comfortable with who we are as a couple.

Tomorrow we're both going to work, but heading to the city for a lovely dinner at Fleur de Lys. We've never been. It's a special occasion, why not try something new?

1 comment:

EILEEN said...

Fleur de Lys -- a very beautiful restaurant (and the food is lovely, too!). I read this after you and Rhett must have just dined under the category of "it's the thought that counts", had I known ahead of time y'all were going there, I'd have sprung for a surprise bottle of champagne...
Hope it was a fabulous time!