Agoraphobic

I've been clearing space at home. Being a person that tended to clutter this is a big thing. Interestingly enough, as I've opened the space at home, spaces are opening in my body. My posture is better, my shoulders aren't dragged forward. My breath has gotten deeper. I can find places to put things now.

Also coinciding with all of this, are opportunities at my work also opening up as I've been asked to take on a greater role in my unit. I was also accepted into a well regarded year-long leadership training program.

And suddenly something so small as opening up a small space at home leads to a snowball of changes in my life. And how exactly are they connected?

I believe we live our lives in one giant metaphor and that we are repetitive people: an action we take in our body, is an action we make at home is an action we create at work.

Today, was a bit of a spring back day. As much as I like the new space and want to maintain it, there is a part of me that liked the old space, not so much that it was better, but more that it was familiar. The spring back day is the day when neither side is winning. Usually it's when reality hits and you think oh crap. It's like being slightly agoraphobic, the fear of open spaces, of leaving a safe place. Like Wile E. Coyote when he follows the Roadrunner across the ravine gap, the realization there is no ground underneath you.

To get through days like this, I try to be the Roadrunner whose legs spin fast enough to defy gravity. I try not to think about what am I doing here, but focus on getting one foot ahead of the other. Because I really don't have time to figure out where the ground is, I have to keep moving. The momentum of all the little things I've been doing in this past year are soon coming into fruition and I will need to step forward as the creator of this momentum.

It should get better with each passing day as more information comes in. I will have to be clear on my priorities and not be dragged down by things that don't have to be dealt with until they actually happen. Fortunately, I have a good team behind me and I have their faith.

So instead of collapsing, I need to expand even more and create more space. There was a lecture Tuhan gave once. He said, "Our problems are big because we are small. We must be bigger than our problems; We must expand."

So I must take each day as it comes, breathe a little deeper, stand a little taller, and keep my feet going til I'll be soaring.