Monday, December 01, 2008

step it up

If I'm reading the signs correctly, each turn seems to indicate that I need to step things up, need to move things along, for the time of waiting is nearing a close. Yet, I need to be sure in my timing and diligent with the details.

I ran hurdles a few times in high school. We didn't have a big track team, it was a handful of people, so I got to do alot of events I normally would never have been asked to do. It's a similar feeling. In running hurdles I always had a bit of doubt in my stomach that worried about smashing and crashing over the hurdle, catching a back leg or worse catching a front foot. I can see why horses sometime pull up in those equestrian events. It's not like it was an event we practiced much.

Next week I've been selected by my peers to give the graduation speech for our leadership program. I don't know what to say yet. It's quite an honor to be selected as a leader amongst leaders as it were. But I have to admit there has always been a bit of back and forth with me, taking on the spotlight and being back up. I've been known to thrive in the spotlight, take the leadership role when necessary. I'm compelled to really.

But in these moments where I stop and think and get a chance to look around, there's a part of me that is always a step behind, who didn't get the memo about all of this. Especially how the days and years go by faster and faster. Even the person you think you are is not completely the person you are.

For a brief moment, there is a second when I look around and think this is not who I am. But the trick is, not to run away from where your journey has taken you, but to incorporate and bring those sides of yourself together because there's no going back. And the only way to see yourself with truth and clarity is to know where you are. It isn't a struggle if you don't want it to be.

The Babaylan book is coming out soon. My essay in it was more a continuation of Coming Full Circle. It feels right that this essay is coming out now. The time of waiting will soon be over. The time to declare is already here.

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