committment

Attended W&L's committment ceremony at an Oakland fusion restaurant. The ceremony itself was held in an outdoor garden behind the restaurant with a lovely rock waterfall while Teri Untalan played violin and guitar. The guests were wearing the numerous wedding colors: lavender, green, and purple as part of their tropical celebration some in their own various ethnic attire. W came in with her parents in a lucious red gown, L followed with his parents arm in arm wearing pina barong.

You have to love summer in the bay full of bone chilling fog, which is what we got during the early evening ceremony. While their honored guests sat in two rows of chairs, the rest of us huddled close to stay warm from the wind chill. It made for good community bonding.

A friend of theirs performed the ceremony. Though most people think that only City Hall and priests can marry you, in actuality, you can have anyone marry you, they just have to pay a fee to the county and read off a sentence or two saying how they are authorized by the county of Alameda. Their parents presented them with gifts of a stone, fire, salt, and rice. Their siblings brought forth their rings. They spoke their vows to each other. L talked about how W brought literally so much color and creativity into his life. W talked about how L and her share many passions and how he brings pragmatism to her ideas.

I met W several years ago in a creative writing workshop. I don't remember how we came to be so close, but we did. I remember the years of her telling me about the various relationships she pursued. Ugh. Some time passed, she emailed me about a housewarming to intro her new beau. The last time I had seen her she had given up looking for a partner and was just looking for someone to co-parent with and that's when L came into her life. L brought alot of balance to her life, she was so much more relaxed about herself and the world.

There's a huge difference between who she thought she should be with and now the kind of partner she needed to form their family.

I watched them literally build a home together and a garden. A home to entertain friends, and nurture community. I am truly truly happy for the both of them.

Relatives were asked to stay in the garden for photographs while W&L, now deemed partners for life, led the rest of the guests now fairly frigid from the cold back into the restaurant. Talk about committment!

The restaurant was Asian fusion in downtown Oakland. At the bar, best drink of the night, lychee infused martini. Incredible!

Our wedding programs were color and animal coded to our table: lavender tutubi/dragonfly. Lucky us, closest to the buffet. Even luckier still to be seated with Ninong A, who had hands down the best barong of the night (mandarin collar with tri-color green stripes that gave it a turn of the century yet very modern look), Prof Dan Gonzales and his wife, and Nancy Hom and Bob Hsiang.

The tables were each decorated with a bird of paradise and red orchids, a dragonfly wired to the arrangement. We were actually sitting in the lobby of the office building the restaurant was in, since the regular restaurant was really only a small corner.

Being the closest table to the buffet we got first taste, most of it was very good. Highlights included the Thai curry noodles and the chicken. Although W is a vegetarian they did have lechon, actually three lechons, which was proportionately overboard for this crowd, but hey it's a wedding. Unfortunately the restaurant doesn't allow take out we had to consume everything there. The puttanesca sauce was tasty with the pork. Though I really wanted to run home and grab a bottle of Mang Tomas.

It was the first time I had had a chance to really talk to the people at my table, though I've seen them around for years and shared a few poetry reading nights with Nancy. Table talk included Philippine politics, our own wedding plans, which led to how other people got married, and various goings-on. L came to our table to tell us that we should go up for seconds because there are 3 pigs to get through. The table then decided to strategize how to sneak the leftover pig out of the restaurant. There is nothing that gets up a Filipino's ire than wasting lechon. It's almost a personal offense really to be so wasteful. And since our wedding was also on topic, we mentioned how the hotel was resisting us having lechon at our wedding. And so, the entire table went around devising new ways to "sneak" lechon into our wedding which included: saying it was a religious requirement, saying that it was a time honored Illokano tradition from the royal family, disguise the lechon as the wedding cake, incorporate the lechon either as the centerpiece or the wedding favors.

Considering the table was a bunch of activists and artists, I came to realize that activists and artists are really good at undermining the system and breaking rules or at least trying to getting away with stuff under the radar. It was hilarious! So, if the flowers at the center of the table "smell" a little funny, you'll know why.

Later in the evening, SF Wushu came with a loud and exciting lion dance. An open mic toast to W&L that allowed anyone to come up and tell their story about W&L. Followed by a dessert buffet AND wedding cake: flan, fresh fruit, donut holes, peanut covered chocolate truffle, and a white & chocolate wedding cake with buttercream and macademia nut filling and lavender frosting.

W changed into a different dress by the time she greeted our table. Her wedding dress was gorgeous but she couldn't sit, much less eat in the dress. She asked me how the wedding planning was going and told me not to do what she did. I told her we'll have lunch sometime for debriefing.

The DJ is a videogame designer by day. After the jazz trio, we ate dessert with techno videogame music. We felt like we were in a videogame. Nancy likened it to "falling from the sky." Later, the DJ spun a mix of 80s rock music. I was never sure how to dance to 80s rock music in the 80s and I'm really not sure how to dance to it now, though I think they make good karaoke tunes to sing along to. It took a while before he got to some 80s hip-hop/r&b which is what I listened to in the 80s. There was one couple there who managed to dance ballroom to just about all the songs. I joined a conga line, before we said our goodbyes.

W&L will be at our wedding. We told them it'll be fun, you'll get to sit back and relax, and think, "whew, it's over." But now the real fun has only begun.

Congratulations, W&L! Many many blessings in the years to come!