sometimes

Sometimes it's nice to deal with Filipinos, sometimes it's not nice dealing with Filipinos. I was talking a few weeks ago with the hotel. They assigned us a Filipina, whom I assumed they thought would be a good thing. But she was really frustrating to talk to. Every time I asked her about something we wanted or needed she kept trying to divert me, get me to do something else. Bring lechon in? We'll charge you extra to bring outside food in, why not lumpia, lechon doesn't really fit the style of your wedding. Use bamboo wedding favors for decoration. Oh, we had that before, it makes the table too crowded.

I left the phone thinking why are we spending this much money for someone to tell me what we should and shouldn't have at our wedding? But we are a team, so I passed the baton to the Fiance. The Fiance has a, ahem, way with words and people. It's really about focusing him in the right direction.

The Fiance gets assigned William, who usually gets assigned South Asian Indian weddings. We met with him on Monday. I like William. I feel like he's listening to what we are asking him and not just pushing us aside until we forget. While we were at the bar trying wine, he went to the chef, who is Filipino, to ask him if we could have lechon during the cocktail reception. Now, if he came back and said they can't do it, we would be fine with that, at least we feel like he asked, he would have considered it.

William returns and says that the chef can do it and he'll get pricing for us soon! Fabulous! Great! See how easy that was! They won't put the head out on a platter, but they'll have it sliced and in chafing dishes. That's fine!

Then we discuss the schedule for the reception and what will happen when. Then he has to ask, because Maria, the Filipina, told him that Filipino weddings always run really late. I tell him, I understand what he's saying as I've been to many a long winded Filipino event. You have MCs that aren't managing the time well and trying to cram too much stuff into the event and of course the speechifying. And I now understand why me and the Filipina were not communicating so well.

She was making alot of assumptions about me because I was Filipino and also adding a few expectations on what I would and wouldn't want in my wedding reception because of that. But the other thing too was that she was communicating with me using Filipino rules of conversation. Do not tell me "no" directly. Don't give her what she says she wants because that's not really what she means.

So I know I'm Filipino, but what if I don't want her to treat me like Filipino. I don't want her to assume she knows what I'm thinking because we are Pinay. What if I just wanted her to tell me "no" directly, what if I am doing all I can to have our wedding run on time with good MC, trimmed down entertainment, what if I don't care if the table will "look" crowded?

Sigh. Sometimes I can't stand Filipinos, but I know where they're coming from. There's a chapter in the sisterhood book on this.

52 days to go.