Friday, August 17, 2007


Zero is nothing yet everything.

While I started this blog and tended to post my goings in and goings on, on nearly a daily basis, I've cut back a bit. A friend commented today, it seems like we're just always eating. Well we are, it happens on a daily basis, but yeah, it's mostly been food and bowling.

There are other things going on in my life, our life: an upcoming wedding, things being written offline, activities at work. But I haven't blogged about any of these things. Some I don't blog because of the negativity of it. Negativity at times does not to be repeated, it needs to be said once and released. And while I know some people use their blogs to vent, the permanent/impermanent nature of the web, I find, doesn't make it a good venue for this type of catharsis for me. And I really don't want any public persona of me be remembered for being a ranting raving bitch, though there are times and places for that.

I've often actually typed these out in blogger and now with the autosave, I've found my posting list a graveyard of unfulfilled posts. I did this before, but never saw them again because there wasn't an autosave. Sometimes I go back and think, maybe I should post this, but then when I read them, it just feels the moment has passed or that the writing just wasn't quite there. That yes, there are some ideas that just shouldn't be allowed to come to fruition. And no, not everything that happens that ever exists should be put out there for the world to see as the generation that grew up on myspace and reality television is starting to learn.

Then there are those other things that just shouldn't be spoken about and I mean at all. Not because they're bad or evil, some of them are actually good things. But that should not be spoken about until it's over and done with. It's like the energy of the universe needs to concentrate themselves. They're like secrets, but not evil bad ones, these are actually secrets you'd actually love to proclaim to the world, but really shouldn't, just not yet. And if spoken, only spoken in the greatest confidence and in some cases only to the people you know who can only wish you the greatest happiness in a sincerest heart. There is a certain silence that contains the greatest of joys, but because this thing has not yet come to fruition, it's really only a potential joy, a thought that still makes us light and giddy and hopeful for its potential. But like the metal spring, if you want an even greater force, you must wait to release it at it's greatest potential.

On many many things, I am not quite there yet. I am not ready to reveal much more than dinners and bowling for the most part. In the meantime, suffice it to say, I'm working on increasing the potential of many things right now that I hope will eventually come to fruition, and then I'll be able to share that joy here. Just not quite yet.

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